I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
