He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
