called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
