How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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