I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
