What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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