No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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