I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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