Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
