So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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