sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
