haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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