I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
