Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
