not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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