The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
