Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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