wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
