...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
