is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
