Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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