Your dad touched me again.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
