So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
