my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
