He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
