You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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