you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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