The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
