another moral hangover. fuck.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
