Got a toothbrush?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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