i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
