I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
