So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
