I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Im part way to drunk.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
