Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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