Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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