S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
