I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I believe in your delicious
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He has the fingertips of a God
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