So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
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