therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
