i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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