I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm at about main and main street
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
