do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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