I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
