YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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