you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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