Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
