Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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