dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
