I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
