where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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