I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
